Birmingham: the sprawling metropolis of Spaghetti Junction fame, Brutalist architecture, and canals that definitely outnumber Venice. Once, there was a website called Birmingham It’s Not Shit, a valiant effort to defend the UK’s second city from its critics. With lists of quirky reasons why Birmingham wasn’t as bad as people thought, it tried to elevate the city’s reputation above the perpetual slagging it receives from Londoners, northerners, and basically everyone else.

Oracle—beloved by enterprise IT departments everywhere for its bulletproof reliability, affordable pricing, and impeccable customer service. Wait, who am I kidding? Oracle is the company everyone loves to hate: the heavyweight champion of convoluted licensing agreements, aggressive sales tactics, and overpromised software solutions. Sure, it’s the bedrock of many enterprises, but it’s also a towering monument to corporate tech bollocks.

Ah, Windows Updates—the perennial thorn in the side of PC users everywhere. Promised as the silent guardians of stability and security, they’ve instead become a source of frustration, disruption, and the occasional catastrophic system crash. Whether it’s an update that bricks your machine or one that installs itself at the worst possible time, Windows Updates have earned their reputation for being, well, bollocks.