Masking, at its core, is a kind of impersonation, not to deceive, but to adapt. Everyone does it to some degree, but for people with Asperger’s or ASD, it becomes a survival tool, a way to navigate a neurotypical world that feels alien at times. It’s not about being fake; it’s about blending in, building connections, or simply staying safe.

“We’re all impersonating a personality.” Jean-Paul Sartre (allegedly)

In this guide, I’ll explore the reality of masking, the principles behind doing it well, and the risks it carries. This is a firsthand account from someone with ASD who has learned how to mask, sometimes too well, and the lessons I’ve taken from years of experience, including moments where the mask inevitably slipped.

Contents

What is Masking?

Masking, in the context of Asperger’s/ASD, is the process of consciously adapting your behaviour, body language, speech patterns, and responses to fit into neurotypical social environments. It’s not about being fake, it’s about blending in, building connections, or sometimes simply avoiding unwanted attention. The key thing to remember is:

It’s not pretend while it’s happening: it’s real.

When you’re engaged in masking, you become that version of yourself in that moment. It only feels like pretend when you reflect on it afterwards or when you’re preparing for it.

Effective masking is about authenticity within the context of performance. If it doesn’t feel or look genuine, it won’t work, and people will pick up on that strange dissonance, often described as the “uncanny valley” effect in social interactions.

Guide to Masking and Key Principles

1. Be Selectively Authentic: Choose What to Show

Masking isn’t about erasing who you are; it’s about presenting certain aspects of yourself that resonate with the situation.

• Choose which parts of your personality to amplify.
• Stay true to your core values and interests but adjust how they’re presented.

Example:
If you love data or tech but feel it might overwhelm others, express it through storytelling or humour rather than diving straight into details.

2. It Must Feel Real to Work: Build Familiar Behaviours

If the mask feels forced, it won’t be convincing to others. You’re not building a fake persona, you’re adapting an existing one.

• Use familiar behaviours and expressions.
• Borrow mannerisms from people you trust or admire.

Pro tip: Watch and mimic behaviours in people who excel socially. With enough practice, these behaviours will feel natural when you use them.

Masking in Psychometric Tests and Personality Frameworks: Shaping Perceptions

Masking can be used to shift how you appear in personality-based assessments like Myers-Briggs or workplace psychometric tests. With practice, you can even alter the outcome of these assessments by consciously adjusting your responses and behaviour patterns.

Examples

• Myers-Briggs: Shift from INTJ (strategic, logical) to ENFP (warm, creative, and spontaneous) by deliberately leaning into social enthusiasm, brainstorming, and showing emotional curiosity during testing.
• Workplace Competency Tests: Adjust your communication style, favouring assertiveness and collaboration, to match leadership or teamwork profiles.

How to Practice This

• Study the traits of the personality type or role you want to match.
• Practice embodying those behaviours in everyday situations, starting small and gradually increasing your exposure.

But the more successful you are at masking, the more you might find yourself doing it all the time, which leads to another challenge: burnout.

Masking, Like Acting, Isn’t “Really” Real

Masking can feel like an art form. Like acting, it involves crafting a persona and embodying it for a time. But remember: while acting is based on a script and direction, masking lacks that structure, which makes it much harder. It’s not truly real, it’s a representation of what you believe the situation demands.

You do what you have to do to survive.

I grew up in the inner city of Birmingham in the 1970s. Survival was everything back then. Whether it was learning how to dodge trouble or blending in so you didn’t stand out, it wasn’t about pretending, it was about adapting quickly to whatever the world threw at you.

Masking is survival in a world that doesn’t want to accept that you tend to rock back and forth, avoid eye contact, and would rather talk to people about the cooling design of the S Cray-1 supercomputer than make small talk about the weather. Masking is how you stay afloat in a neurotypical world that constantly demands conformity.

It’s not fake while you’re doing it, it’s real for that moment. The trick is recognising that masking is a tool, not your identity. But the problem is that masking is exhausting, and when you’ve been doing it for days on end, it starts to crack.

Recently I experienced this firsthand at the Slush Festival with the DSIT funded Cyber Runway Scale cohort and Hosts at Plexal. For the first couple of days, everything went fine. I was able to mask effectively and maintain that version of myself. But by the third day, the energy to keep up the mask was gone. I found myself getting increasingly pattern-obsessed, drawn into repetitive thoughts and behaviours as a way to cope with the overwhelming stimulation. The mask simply wouldn’t refresh. I imagine it became more obvious that I’m neurodiverse at that point because I didn’t have the energy to smooth it over anymore.

Masking can help you blend in for a while, but it’s not sustainable without breaks. You can only run at that speed for so long before it catches up with you.

The Downsides of Masking: Recognising the Risks

Masking is an incredibly useful tool, but it comes with significant risks and challenges. Here’s what you need to keep in mind:

1. Burnout: Masking Drains Energy

Sustained masking drains emotional, mental, and physical energy. If you mask for too long without breaks, it can lead to serious fatigue and even autistic burnout, a deep, overwhelming state of exhaustion that can take days, weeks, or longer to recover from.

2. Social Pressure: The Mask Becomes a Trap

Once you establish a particular persona while masking, it’s hard to backtrack. You might feel like people only want to interact with that version of you, which creates pressure to always maintain the mask. It becomes stressful, almost like being trapped in a role you can’t step out of.

3. Perceived as Dishonest: Misunderstood Intentions

Some neurotypical people might sense that something is off. They may interpret your masking as insincerity, furtiveness, or even dishonesty. This misunderstanding can complicate relationships, leading to suspicion or mistrust, even if your intentions are good.

4. Imperfection: Cracks in the Mask

Masking isn’t foolproof. Emotionally perceptive people, those with a wide emotional range, may sense cracks in your performance. These are the ones who might notice your inconsistencies or detect subtle discomfort, even when you’re doing your best to mask it.

5. Long-Term Exposure: The Mask Slips

The longer someone is around you, the harder it becomes to keep the mask intact. Minor cracks start to show, differences in your tone, facial expressions, or responses that don’t quite match the persona.

Remember kids, like Harry Harrison’s Stainless Silver Rat:

Get in, mask, get out.

6. Neurodivergent People Can See Through Masks

Other neurodivergent individuals often see beyond your mask with surprising ease. This relates to the double empathy problem: the idea that neurodivergent and neurotypical people experience fundamentally different ways of connecting. While neurotypical people might be thrown off by your masking, other neurodivergent people tend to understand what’s happening, and may even appreciate the effort.

Conclusion: Mask Wisely, Not Constantly

Masking can be an invaluable tool in navigating social situations, building connections, and achieving goals. But it’s not without risks. The key is knowing when and where to use it, ensuring you have time to recover, and recognising the importance of authenticity in your closest relationships.

Masking isn’t about deception. It’s survival.

Growing up in Birmingham, survival was about adapting and fitting in, it’s where I learned to Mask, and it’s the same overall. Know when to use it, but don’t let it use you. Drop the mask and take a deep breath when the moment’s right.

Masking is a tool, not a life sentence. Done carefully and with awareness, it can help you succeed in a neurotypical world without losing yourself. Know your limits, choose your moments, and always leave space to breathe.