If there’s one thing the cybersecurity industry is never short on, it’s hype and a healthy dose of fear-mongering. Every week, there’s a new headline screaming about the latest cyber apocalypse: hackers are about to steal your identity, ransomware is going to shut down your city, and a nation-state might be spying on you through your toaster. It’s all part of the relentless barrage of cyber bollocks that we’ve become accustomed to.

Let’s break down some of the biggest misconceptions and exaggerations in the world of cybersecurity, and cut through the noise to focus on what actually matters, as I welcome you to part “lucky seven” of my satirical comedic polemic series.

Fear Sells, But Is Everything Really at Risk?

Cybersecurity companies love to sell fear. After all, if you’re convinced that Russian hackers are about to break into your Wi-Fi network and drain your bank account, you’re more likely to buy that fancy firewall or invest in the latest security tool. Fear-mongering is a reliable sales tactic, and unfortunately, it’s all too common in the cyber world.

The truth is, while cyberattacks are real and dangerous, not everything is a ticking time bomb. Yes, there are risks, but many of the threats that get hyped are unlikely to impact the average person or business in the ways described. Instead of assuming that every system is seconds away from being breached, it’s better to focus on realistic, proportional security measures. The notion that we’re all one click away from digital disaster is, frankly, bollocks.

The Myth of the Evil Genius Hacker

Thanks to Hollywood and the media, the image of the cybercriminal as a lone, hoodie-wearing mastermind sitting in a dark basement is alive and well. This mythical figure, capable of hacking into the Pentagon with a few keystrokes, has become the public face of cyber threats. The reality, however, is far less glamorous.

Most cyberattacks are not the work of evil geniuses, they’re the result of mundane tactics like phishing, weak passwords, or unpatched software. Many hackers are opportunistic rather than highly skilled, using automated tools to exploit vulnerabilities. These are not sophisticated attacks aimed at high-profile targets, but rather scattergun approaches that rely on users making basic mistakes.

The idea that cybersecurity is a battle between “good guys” and “super villains” is bollocks. In most cases, attackers are just looking for easy wins, not world domination.

Cybersecurity Buzzwords: All Flash, No Substance

You can’t talk about cybersecurity today without getting bombarded with buzzwords: “Zero Trust”, “Artificial Intelligence”, “Quantum-Resistant Encryption”, “Blockchain Security”, and so on. Each new term is sold as the ultimate game-changer in protecting our digital lives, and every company wants you to believe they’ve cracked the code with the next big thing.

While some of these technologies have merit, most of the buzz is pure marketing fluff. Take “AI in cybersecurity”, for example. Many companies claim to use AI to detect and prevent threats, but in reality, much of what’s branded as AI is just advanced data analytics or machine learning models that have been around for years. Similarly, “Zero Trust” is essentially a repackaging of a long-standing security concept: verify everything and trust nothing.

These buzzwords may sound impressive, but more often than not, they’re just hot air designed to inflate the value of a product or service. The tech world loves jargon, but cybersecurity needs less buzz and more substance.

The Cybersecurity Skills Crisis: Is It Really That Bad?

There’s no shortage of headlines decrying a “cybersecurity skills gap,” warning of a shortage of qualified professionals that’s leaving businesses vulnerable to attack. While it’s true that demand for cybersecurity experts is growing, the idea of a full-blown crisis is largely overblown.

Much of the so-called skills gap is actually a result of companies being unwilling to hire and train entry-level workers. Instead, they seek “unicorn” candidates, those with 10 years of experience, multiple certifications, and expertise in every niche area of security. This unrealistic hiring standard creates the illusion of a shortage, when in fact, the talent is out there, it just needs to be cultivated.

The skills gap isn’t an insurmountable crisis; it’s a symptom of companies expecting too much without investing in talent development. This narrative of an industry on the brink due to a lack of expertise? More cyber bollocks.

Blaming Users: The Favourite Scapegoat

When cyber breaches happen, users often get blamed. Whether it’s clicking on a malicious link, using weak passwords, or failing to spot a phishing email, people are frequently portrayed as the weak link in cybersecurity. While human error is a factor, constantly blaming users ignores the fact that security systems and processes are often confusing, inefficient, and poorly implemented.

Expecting the average user to be a cybersecurity expert is unrealistic. Instead of pointing the finger at employees or customers, companies should focus on designing systems that are secure by default, easy to use, and resilient against mistakes. Throwing training programs at employees or customers to “educate” them about cybersecurity doesn’t address the root cause of poor security practices.

In short, blaming users for cybersecurity failings is lazy and overlooks the larger systemic problems that need fixing.

Cybersecurity as a Competitive Advantage? Not Really

A lot of companies love to promote their cybersecurity credentials as a selling point, claiming that robust security measures set them apart from the competition. But here’s the thing: good cybersecurity should be a baseline, not a differentiator.

Protecting customer data and ensuring secure operations is not some luxury feature—it’s a basic expectation. Touting cybersecurity as a competitive advantage is like saying “our cars come with brakes.” Of course they do; it’s a necessity.

The idea that cybersecurity can be used as a unique selling point is just more cyber bollocks. Customers expect security as standard, not as something that makes a company special.

The Silver Bullet Fallacy

Perhaps the biggest piece of cyber bollocks out there is the idea that there’s a silver bullet solution to cybersecurity threats. Whether it’s a new piece of software, an advanced firewall, or a cutting-edge encryption tool, companies and vendors are always looking to sell the next “ultimate” solution.

But here’s the hard truth: there is no silver bullet in cybersecurity. Threats are constantly evolving, and no single product or service can provide complete protection. Effective cybersecurity is about layered defences, ongoing vigilance, and a culture of security awareness. Any company that promises to solve all your security problems with one solution is selling you a pipe dream.

Conclusion: Cutting Through the Cyber Bollocks

There’s no denying that cybersecurity is important, but the industry is awash with hype, fear, and overblown claims. From the myth of the evil genius hacker to the relentless buzzwords and silver bullet promises, much of what we hear is designed to confuse or sell products, not to educate or inform.

The key to navigating the world of cybersecurity is critical thinking. Don’t buy into the fear or the flashy marketing. Focus on practical, realistic approaches to security, understand the actual risks, and, most importantly, recognise that good cybersecurity isn’t about gimmicks or buzzwords, it’s about diligence, awareness, and doing the basics well.

Because at the end of the day, most of what you hear in the cyber world is just more bollocks.